Here I am, Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

This is an experiment. One of my goals is to self publish my Nanowrimo novel The Adventures of Aquafunkpus and his Band of Misfit Heroes in 2020. In November, I wrote the rough draft of 50,000 words. I interviewed my characters on this blog. Subscribe at the bottom and I can tell you more.

Now for the foreseeable future, I am going to publish excerpts from the novel. I love writing the story. I didn’t know what point of view I was in, so I invented a new point of view. As you know, most books are written from the first-person point of view, the second point of view or third. There are the fourth and fifth points of view. So I invented a new point of view. This story is written in the 6th point of view.

This is raw writing. It may have grammar mistakes. I heard on a podcast recently that if you have grammar mistakes, people will think you are stupid. Please don’t think I am dumb. I wrote this in November. I ran it through Grammarly and got a 99 percent score. This isn’t a finished piece of work. I am going to hire an editor at some point. But putting my ideas in the world is more important than hiding.

As for my writing. I have a code I follow.
I have two non-negotiables- 1. I never use profanity 2. My characters will never be seen having sex. 3. To get the full experience of the writing, listen to youtube videos, and click on the pop culture references. 4. My blog posts will be non-linear. I don’t write 1,2,3 or ABC or any order. This is done intentionally. The goal is to finish your rough draft, and then in the rewriting process, you figure out what to throw away and what to keep. I hope that my writing makes people laugh and have fun. My goal is to find an audience for my work. Who is this for? I need help answering this question, I don’t know. What change do I seek to make? I hope I can inspire people to give their gifts to the world without worry, anxiety, or dread. Just be you. Whoever it is. This is me. Welcome to the Adventure of Aquafunkapus and his band of Misfit Heroes. I chose Sweet Leaf and War Pigs as theme music for Danyo, listen as you read to get a feel for his lair.

Danyo sat on his throne. It was a wicker chair. Similar to the one out would see Huey Newton of the Black Panthers sitting in. Danyo wore all black, a gold crown sat in his head, his left leg was draped over the side of the chair. He held a gold scepter in his right hand. The iron rod was rusted and also had some Hello Kitty and My Little Pony Stickers attached to them. At his feet sat two pit bulls. Pimp and Slap were their names.

His assistant Petey, a parakeet with an affection for Klondike bars, flew in to give his morning report. Petey was a cross between Zazu from the Lion King and a close friend who would listen to you, and allow you to ramble. At the end of the conversation, you would feel healed even though Petey just nodded along without speaking.

Danyo was bored and agitated at the same time. Moment to moment, his mood, disposition, and gender preference would change.

Petey landed on his perch and started to open his mouth to give his report. Danyo put down his scepter then picked up his phone. He began to rant. His rant wasn’t directed towards anyone. Yet to Danyo, it had significant meaning. It was connected to his plan. So if it doesn’t make sense to you, don’t worry, it does to him. Also, be cautious about how to give Danyo feedback. You will see it soon. Danyo tossed Pimp and Slap some goldfish, then began to rant.

“Why are schools always blame for the ills of society?

You see, this marketer publishes a blog every day, and every so often he says that schools are part of the problem, that the school is part of the industrial complex. Then he tells me to read some articles and look at the percentages of time spent on testing, homework, etc. Then he dares to say kids should spend time daydreaming and solving new problems;

I mean, if I were working at his office and an assignment was due, and I said rather than follow your system and complete the task, I need some time to daydream and solve an interesting problem.
The choice would now be I could either follow your orders and keep my job, or I could go out on the street and daydream, or would you cancel your LinkedIn live to allow me the time to daydream? ”

Petey was accustomed to these rants. Danyo wasn’t the most stable of individuals. Still, he had given him the ability to talk, a steady job with good health and dental. Which is precisely what a talking parakeet needed. Danyo gave Petey a since of purpose. He had found his why.

Petey would fly as Danyo ranted. He looked at Pimp and Slap, he didn’t trust them. He knew he shouldn’t make assumptions. Not making assumptions was one of the four agreements from the book by Ruiz. He knew Pimp and Slap wouldn’t eat him, but they were ambitious. They could be after his position and place of trust within the organization.

“Petey, I am bothered. Bothered by this life, yet intrigued and fascinated at the same time. Where am I going? In my mind I crave riches, wealth, and experiences, I seek to be kind and benevolent, yet I also want to kill and destroy. I want people to beg and cringe at my feet.”

A man walked into the lair and sat down some coffee and a newspaper. Danyo threw his spear across the room, it landed in the man’s hand, pinning him to the wall. The man took a deep breath and didn’t scream. The man took his other hand and wiped the sweat from his brow. You could see a bandaid on his hand. “Thank you, sir,” the man said. Danyo got up and walked over to him. He looked at the blood oozing from this hand that was pinned to the wall, he licked it up. He looked at the man in the eye. The man took a deep breath, Danyo snatched the spear from the wall. The man took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. Danyo smiled. He took his hand and ran it through the man’s head. “Beautiful, my apprentice. You have shown that you can digest pain. “Now go.”

Danyo had an interesting way of training and preparing people for service in his army. For example, Petey had been a barista at his favorite coffee shop. Danyo believed that Petey needed a higher purpose, a higher calling.

Something to pass the time. So Danyo transformed him into a parakeet and made him the head of his army. The Triple D- Danyo’s Delightful Demons. I know that delightful and demons don’t go together, but don’t ever tell Danyo that. Never question Danyo’s contradictions. The quickest way to earn his wrath would be to call into question anything inconsistent in his life. Yes, he was evil. He had this obsession with being more evil than Satan himself.

In fact, it was his lifetime goal to possess Satan. He concocted a scheme – He called it reverse demon possession. If he were able to possess Satan, then he could command the armies of hell. Yet he also enjoyed watching My little pony, he felt that it had a moral message. If Danyo ever showed you an episode of My Little Pony, you should ask him questions about the Episode, allow him to talk, and wait for him to offer you a drink or a piece of cake.

As long as you nodded and agreed, you were fine, but you were taking a risk if you decided to ad-lib and try to interpret the Episode. For example, imagine he showed you an adventure where Pinky Pie tries to befriend Cranky Doodle Donkey in the Episode A Friend in Deed. You had best know what you were talking about if you took Pinky Pies’s side. You had better understand who Pinky Pie was.

There were many people who would try to gain favor with Danyo. Why do you ask? Danyo was rich, and he was an Angel Investor. People take risks when they need funding for a new product. Risks that some would call unnatural. Kind of like when The Emperor sold Anakin on pursuing the Dark Side. Check out this clip for context.  They heard about his fascination with My Little Pony. So before they came to see him they would google My little pony read the first entry, and then try to impress Danyo, do it at your own risk, if he tests you and finds out you tried this, off with a limb. Danyo once took a person’s phone and checked the search history and found a pony search. So Danyo took a limb.

Yet sometimes Danyo took the limb because he admired you or he took the limb because he despised you. You would only know for sure if he put the limb back on.



One thought on “Here I am, Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

  1. Hey Steven, it was great to get to read some of your nanowrimo novel after having written with you last year (still feels weird saying last year!)

    I like how you gave us the lead in with your blog post. I am grateful for the comment about grammar. I can relate to this battle & I have learned to put aside my concern with being seen as dumb for the fact that I know it is more important to put our work in the world.

    I’m curious if you can tell us more about the 6th person perspective. I’m not sure I got that in my reading if your novel.

    I really enjoyed this excerpt and the characters and the mix of pop culture references as well as the interplay of work concepts and the themes of workplace politics and power. Topics I’m intrigued by so I’m looking forward to seeing how these play a part in the rest of the novel.

    Well done, too, with your goal to get this published.

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