Inside/ Outside

I set my timer for ten minutes and began to read. At the end of the time, I reflected and found that I enjoyed the reading and took something away from it. The content of the reading was the most obvious, but another lesson rose up to the surface.

This was ten minutes of sustained reading where I was focused on the material and engaging in the material. I wasn’t worried about getting to the next event or the next activity. The ten minutes were going to pass; regardless of it, I fretted about it or worried about it. Time works that way, it doesn’t wait for me to make a decision on how to spend it. You can count on 5:10 to become 5:11, 5:12 and so on.

Fretting and worry show up on the inside of me. Time happens on the outside, and my work happens on the outside. With my work, I do the best I can to continue to produce it, even when my inside isn’t in lock/ step with what is going on outside. They don’t have to be in agreement. I look at it this way, think of you internal and outside like a band, sometimes the band plays in unison, and sometimes the band plays in harmony. In  symphonic band, I played the Baritone Saxophone. I didn’t play the main melody in most songs. I played background parts. The flutes, clarinets, trumpets would play the main melodies; occasionally, the entire band would play the main melody all at the same time.

This would be unison. This would occur daily during scale warm-ups, but after that, we played different parts the majority of the day.

The inside and the outside don’t have to match to move forward. The inside plays a role, and the outside plays a role. I have to listen to both and decide in what direction I wish to move.

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